Each Spring I look around as the new buds begin to bloom, the grass turns a bright, and tender green. The birds are busy building new homes for their young. All around us are signs of a new beginning. This year Spring brought a new surprise for me... The end of my marriage, and a new beginning to a life I have never known... one as a single father, and a divorced man... Having spent a third of my life married to my best friend & lover, it is difficult to find myself, and know where or what to do now... I have always had my wife there to share in the good things, the bad things, and just knowing she was always there for me...
I have always been told that marriage teaches you so many lessons; you learn now to be accountable to someone, you learn to trust another person with your life, and theirs with you, respect, honesty, and so much more.. It is my belief that divorce teaches you many more valuable lessons... Never take your spouse for granted, value the trust and love you both share, once it is gone, it is almost impossible to build again. One of the most important lessons learned, is forgiveness. It is not easy to forgive your spouse for the divorce, the years of hurt, of loss and broken trust. Forgiveness is the key to starting over, you must forgive not only your spouse, but yourself as well.
Since my separation a few months ago; I have learned the value of therapy and counseling. Having someone to talk to that is not emotionally attached to the situation, and not bias to either party has proven to be a great asset. I recommend anyone having issues within their marriage or relationship to seek help thru a counselor or therapist. Do not make the crucial mistake of talking to family members, or mutual friends of your spouse about the problems in your marriage. This will only lead to more hurt feelings arguments; plus you often get the wrong advice anyways...
What about the children? A question many couples do not consider, they are so caught up in the hurt, anger and disappointments of the loss of their marriage they do not notice how it effects the children. No matter how much you may try to protect them, the children go thru the divorce too, but on a different level. Be mindful of how you conduct yourself around your children. Don't talk down your spouse in the presence of your children to anyone, and especially not to them. No matter how you may feel about your spouse, it is your duty to continue to love your children, and protect them. Remember, your children may even start acting out, unwanted behavior is often how children cope with negative change. Be patient with them, talk with them, let them know it is ok to be angry, but have some ground rules and consequences in place if those rules aren't followed. My wife and I have tried hard to remain on speaking terms, and even friends. We still spend time together with our son, Jaxon to help ease him thru this transition. I love my wife, more than anything, and one day we may be back together, only God knows what our future holds.
I hope this blog has been of some help to someone, I will be writing more in the future on these topics, and sharing ideas. If you have questions, or comments on this post... Please email me, plaintruth04@gmail.com I am not an expert on divorce, marriage and relationships, but I do have experience in all three areas. :-)
Until next time, God Bless!
Jesse Adams, Blogger
The Plain Truth
