Fireproof Your Marriage

When you look at your marriage, or relationship; how do you see it?  Would you say your marriage is weak, strong, or lost somewhere in between?  A few years ago a movie was recommended to me, "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron as a must see.  I blew it the movie off as "one of those movies" that was intended for feel good, but not really about real life so I never watched it.  Then in January of last year as my own marriage began to crumble to an end, I remembered the movie and decided to watch it, and so glad that I did..  Fireproof is a powerful movie, it's got action, and drama, love and humor, yet sends a message that YOUR marriage is worth fighting for, and the best way to strengthen and save your marriage is to include God in it. 

The Love Dare
What I loved about the Love Dare, is that it highlights the fact that it really only takes one person to dramatically change a marriage.  The problem with this is that it isn't always an easy thing to do.  In order to change your marriage, you must first transform your heart, and how you view your marriage.  When transforming one's heart is no easy task.  When anger, resentment, and bitterness have been building in a place that was once so full of love, changing one's attitude and humbly changing our own behaviors can be a big mountain to climb.  Transformation of the heart is not an earthly endeavor; it is of divine intervention.  It takes a power beyond our own selves.

Some of the simple, yet potentially powerful actions that were suggested in the Love Dare included things like refraining from saying anything negative to your spouse. The old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all” still applies. Doing one nice thing today for one’s spouse or calling to check on how he or she is doing were some of the daily Love Dare challenges.

So many valuable pieces of successful marriage practices were seamlessly taught throughout the movie. Pray for your spouse. Listen to your spouse. Invest in your marriage with your time, attention, energy and even money. Study your spouse. Get a bachelor’s, then a master’s, then a doctorate degree in your spouse. Have a never-ending quest to know the heart and soul of your spouse and what makes them tick.

Love is an Action

Love isn’t solely based on a feeling, as Hollywood would have us believe. Love is an action. In marriage, sometimes one or the other or both needs to love even when the love is undeserved.

Love is something you choose to do regardless of the difficulty. In marriage there will inevitably be opportunities to test your meddle and see if you really meant what you said on your wedding day — for better or for worse.

Marriage is a promise. Marriage is a covenant. It is not merely a contract that can be canceled at will. Rich rewards await those who push through the pain of personal growth to overcome the challenges and obstacles that all couples face. Fire is a great analogy used in this movie for the refining fire of marriage.

In one poignant scene Caleb comes to his wits end regarding how he can possibly continue to love when his love is not received. How can he love when his love is rebuffed and rejected? It is then that he awakens to the role Jesus Christ plays in his ability to love his wife, as he must be able to within marriage. It is then that his heart is transformed and softened to a state that makes him capable of loving in the true spirit of love.

Somewhere in the midst of Caleb’s awakening to and acceptance of Christ, there seems to be a transfer of power, such that Caleb is now able to love more so as God loves. It gives new meaning to charity, the pure love of Christ, that suffereth long, is kind, and seeketh not her own. This love that we seek in marriage is the love that God freely gives.

The road to Caleb’s transformation is not easy. It is full of heart-wrenching pain. It is quite obvious that the process is excruciatingly slow. It is easy to see how such a marital journey is quickly abandoned by so many for the seemingly apparent “peace” that divorce deceptively promises.

Practicing What You Preach

For me the cherry on top of this movie is that Kirk Cameron, a committed Christian and obvious believer in the things he learns in the movie, had long ago made a personal pledge to never kiss anyone other than his real wife. That can be a real challenge for any actor.
In trying to beat the not-so-good marital odds that Hollywood offers, Cameron has committed himself to kissing only his wife, Chelsea Noble, who incidentally played his former love interest in “Growing Pains.”
In a scene where Caleb kisses his movie wife, his real wife seamlessly steps in for the smooch. There’s something sexy about a man who can stick to his principles like that. You've got to imagine the peace and the trust his wife is able to have in him even as he works in a profession that is maritally demeaning and downright dangerous.
Cameron’s personal commitment to kiss only his wife illustrates just one of those smart safeguards that keeps couples up on the mountain peaks enjoying the splendor rather than slipping into the ravine below where serious marital recovery is needed.

Fireproof Your Marriage

I encourage everyone to see this movie, and to encourage others to do so as well. Fireproof is great marriage education for our children too. Going into marriage with an understanding that successful marriages take effort, and knowing a few of the keys to marital happiness are a couple of great gifts that we can give our youth.

I hope we will all work to fireproof our marriages, and maybe even fire them up a bit as well! God bless us all to invite Him into our hearts and into our marriages.





credits: Strengthingmarriage.com

New Beginnings

Each Spring I look around as the new buds begin to bloom, the grass turns a bright, and tender green.  The birds are busy building new homes for their young.  All around us are signs of a new beginning.  This year Spring brought a new surprise for me... The end of my marriage, and a new beginning to a life I have never known... one as a single father, and a divorced man...  Having spent a third of my life married to my best friend & lover, it is difficult to find myself, and know where or what to do now...  I have always had my wife there to share in the good things, the bad things, and just knowing she was always there for me...

I have always been told that marriage teaches you so many lessons; you learn now to be accountable to someone, you learn to trust another person with your life, and theirs with you, respect, honesty, and so much more.. It is my belief that divorce teaches you many more valuable lessons...  Never take your spouse for granted, value the trust and love you both share, once it is gone, it is almost impossible to build again.  One of the most important lessons learned, is forgiveness.  It is not easy to forgive your spouse for the divorce, the years of hurt, of loss and broken trust.  Forgiveness is the key to starting over, you must forgive not only your spouse, but yourself as well.

Since my separation a few months ago; I have learned the value of therapy and counseling.  Having someone to talk to that is not emotionally attached to the situation, and not bias to either party has proven to be a great asset.  I recommend anyone having issues within their marriage or relationship to seek help thru a counselor or therapist.  Do not make the crucial mistake of talking to family members, or mutual friends of your spouse about the problems in your marriage.  This will only lead to more hurt feelings arguments; plus you often get the wrong advice anyways...

What about the children?  A question many couples do not consider, they are so caught up in the hurt, anger and disappointments of the loss of their marriage they do not notice how it effects the children.  No matter how much you may try to protect them, the children go thru the divorce too, but on a different level.  Be mindful of how you conduct yourself around your children. Don't talk down your spouse in the presence of your children to anyone, and especially not to them.  No matter how you may feel about your spouse, it is your duty to continue to love your children, and protect them.  Remember, your children may even start acting out, unwanted behavior is often how children cope with negative change.  Be patient with them, talk with them, let them know it is ok to be angry, but have some ground rules and consequences in place if those rules aren't  followed.  My wife and I have tried hard to remain on speaking terms, and even friends. We still spend time together with our son, Jaxon to help ease him thru this transition.  I love my wife, more than anything, and one day we may be back together, only God knows what our future holds.

I hope this blog has been of some help to someone, I will be writing more in the future on these topics, and sharing ideas.  If you have questions, or comments on this post... Please email me, plaintruth04@gmail.com   I am not an expert on divorce, marriage and relationships, but I do have experience in all three areas. :-)

Until next time, God Bless!

Jesse Adams, Blogger
The Plain Truth