Life: A Learning Experience

Before I became a father I was more concerned with working hard to provide for my wife (at that time), politics, war, or spending time with friends..  Although I always wanted to be a father, I never really knew just how much my life would change... For the better.

Nearly four years ago God blessed me with a handsome bundle of joy we named Jaxon..  I remember praying the night before he was born while laying next to his mother in the hospital room.. As love for these two flowed down my face in the form of tears I silently prayed for them both.  I told God I didn't know anything really of being a father. I had several great examples of fathers in my life, and what I did know I learned from them.  As I softly prayed for my son who would be born in just 12 hours I asked God to teach me to be the best father I could possible be. I wanted to be an example to him, one that I could be proud of..





As the time came closer, my son's mother was rolled into the OR room for a scheduled C-Section I quietly, yet nervous, excited, and proudly followed her.  As I sat near her head while the doctors worked to bring our son into the world all the things that matter before to me, seemed to vanished... It was as though the only thing that really matter was about to be make his debut.... 

In an instance my life changed...  I would now spend my moments trying to stay ahead of the bumps on the head, the cuts, scrapes, and uh-ohs that seem to follow little boys around.  I struggled with the load of fatherhood, working two jobs, and the countless other duties that were upon me.  Looking back now I can see places where it appears I may have failed in areas of my life... but becoming a father is not one of them.. I may not be a perfect man, but to one little boy... I am a perfect dad... 

As a single dad, I have learned that life is not all about the parties, working long hours... life is about spending every possible moment with your children, your family, and those who make your life richer just by being a part of your life..  This past year may have proved as one of my hardest as I struggled with the diagnosis of cancer, and being an awesome daddy all at the same time but God provide me strength and blessed me with some amazing friends and family to support me each step of the way. 

A Single Dad that ROCKS!

Jesse

The Grace Card

Last night while watching "The Grace Card" a movie about love, God, faith, family, and GRACE; I got to thinking about the meaning of the word grace.  In the Bible we read the word many times and it can have several definitions.   "Grace" means to obtain unmerited favor, or kindness.  Although we do not deserve God's love, and grace he has given it to us, freely!  

When we are loved by our family and friends and they do things to help us out, it is easy to love them back and do anything we can to help them; but what about that one person in our lives who we really don't like to be around.  It could be because of their lifestyle, actions, or things they say to us.  You know that person, the one who really makes our tempers flare up?  Would you go out of your way to help them as well?  For most of us, the answer is NO, we would not.  They may not deserve our love, or even our time but we are called by God to love them, and show Grace upon them.  It is just like with our salvation, there is nothing we could have done to deserve God's love, mercy, and Grace, but he gave it to us.  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  The Bible teaches us that God hates sin, hated it so much that he destroyed the earth by flood.  Even in this Noah, found Grace in the sight of the Lord.  

If we truly want to see a change around us, and in our lives, our country and our hearts we must extend Grace & love to those around us.  No matter what a person has done toward you, or your family you must forgive them.  Not only forgive them with words, but with your actions as well, and from your heart!  

Here is a quote, I have printed out, and will carry with me always. The next time I find myself being tested by someone actions, instead of hate, or conflict I will just hand them this..... Grace Card!  Will you do the same?

"I promise to pray for you everyday, and ask your forgiveness. I grant you the same, and be your friend always." a.k.a The Grace Card. 

Jesse Adams, Blogger

The Plain Truth

This Dad, That Dad

As you know, I am Jaxon's dad.

Did you know that Jaxon has another dad? His name is Curtis, Curtis is living with Jaxon's mom.

Besides us both being dads to Jaxon, the two of us don’t have a whole lot in common. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You see, this dad gets to teach Jaxon how to use a computer. That dad shivers at the thought of touching a keyboard.

But that’s okay, because that dad will teach Jaxon how to change out a radiator. This dad has a hard time jumping a car battery.

This dad gets to teach Jaxon how to cry when crying will heal him. That dad will teach Jaxon how to take a hit and stand back up again.

This dad teaches Jaxon how to raise chickens. That dad teaches Jaxon how to play a video game..

This dad will teach Jaxon how to fix broken hearts. That dad will teach Jaxon how to fix broken engines.

That dad will teach Jaxon how to build a go-cart. This dad will teach Jaxon how to build a business.

This dad will help Jaxon with his math homework. That dad will help Jaxon with his shop projects.

This dad will teach Jaxon how to make friends. That dad will teach Jaxon how to buoy friends.

This dad will teach Jaxon how to dream a dream. That dad will teach Jaxon how to build it.

That dad is 6′ 0″ with brown hair and brown eyes.

This dad is 5'10" with brown hair and blue eyes.

But… we do have some things in common.

This dad loves Jaxon more than life itself. That dad will too one day.

That dad will teach Jaxon how to work. This dad will too.

This dad cares deeply about making sure that Jaxon is provided for. That dad does too.

That dad will show up at every event that is important to Jaxon. This dad will too.

This dad will teach his son how to love and respect women. That dad will too.

Jaxon loves his dad. Jaxon loves that dad too.

You see, that dad is no less of a dad to Jaxon than this dad is.

This dad will never hesitate to do a favor for that dad, because this dad knows that Jaxon loves that dad just as much. And this dad will always do what’s best for Jaxon, just like that dad will.

Jesse Adams, Blogger

Adapted from "Single Dad Laughing"

PS, step-parents are a tender subject with many. I’d love to hear something good or wonderful about any step-parents in your lives or your children’s lives. 

Fun Ways to Potty Train

I know that many of my friends are potty training or attempting to do so with their young toddlers.  This can be a frustrating time for many parents, and the child too.. Here are few ideas that may help motivate and encourage your child to POTTY!!   

Make Potty Time a Celebration

There are few things that little kids love more than a party.  By adding a little song and dance to potty training time, your kiddo will be all to anxious to use the potty.  Create a special song and dance that is not used at any time other than potty time.  It should be silly and all about your child’s favorite things!  Create special lyrics:  ”MillerBug is a big boy now.  He used the potty, WOW!  Look how big he is when he goes!  It makes me want to tickle his toes!”  Yes, completely silly but by adding the toe tickle and acting it out every time, you’ll get squeals of joy!  Now add in a little hopping around (this mama can’t dance) and some silly moves and you’ll have a performance that your child wants to see over and over again!  Then, by only performing it when they use the potty, you’ll encourage your child to head to the potty any chance they get in order to have a celebration!

Create a Treat Bag

What’s a party without a goodie bag, right?  Well, same goes for a Potty Party.  Get a brown paper bag, glue a picture of a potty and your child on the front and add some ribbons to make it festive.  Then put treats inside – this can be something like fruit chewies, M&Ms, even raisins if that’s your kiddos favorite.  Then set the expectation that when they successfully use the potty, they get to get one treat out of the bag.  Put the bag somewhere that they can see it but not reach it.  **TIP – don’t keep it in the bathroom – ewwww!**  Then allow them to be the ones that gets the bag down and gets a treat out (with your help) once they have successfully used the potty.

Make a Sticker Chart

For some reason, children love nothing more than stickers.  I think it’s just ingrained in their little brains.  And while I try to avoid stickers in the car (they always end up on your windows, right), the bathroom is a fabulous place for them!  Take a piece of poster board and make a potty chart.  List each day of the week and then make a box for each time you want your child to use the potty.  Attach a plastic baggy to the bottom and fill it with stickers.  Then, each time your child successfully uses the potty, allow them to take one sticker out of the bag and place it on the poster board.  You will be surprised how long they will stand and longingly look at the board and once they figure out what it takes to put a sticker on it, they’ll be waiting for you at the potty each time.

Use Fun Training Pants

Chances are, you don’t want to go straight from diapers to cloth underwear.  If you do, you’ll likely end up with quite a few messes.  However, with training pants the way they are today, you can still give your child a super cool motivation to use the potty.  With different brand choices, you can find pretty much an character you want on training pants.  So find your kiddos favorite.  If you can’t, you can even use a sticker on the front of their pull up to make it super special.  Then store your fun big kid diapers where your child can see them.  Each time you put them on, explain that they are super special big kid pants and that he or she can only wear them while they are working on going to the potty.  The not fun part is taking them away if your child does not attempt to use the potty but you’ll quickly see that they want to earn the privilege of wearing the super fun training pants.

Make the Potty Party Ready

You want your child to WANT to potty in the bathroom, right?  So decorate that toilet!  Window crayons are a great way to do this and wipe off easily.  Draw balloons, their favorite characters and more.  Make it their special potty and put a potty ring on it that is bright and fun.  By making the bathroom one of the coolest places in the house to be, your child will run towards it instead of from it.  Allow your kiddo to help make make it special and get them in on the decorating.  Then explain that going to the potty is a special event and that they need a special place for it to happen.

Potty training is never simple.  But if your child is ready and you use the right techniques it can be a special time that both you and your child will enjoy celebrating instead of a frustrating time that will end with you and your child in tears.  So, stop thinking of it as a task and start thinking of it as a great reason to have fun and celebrate a super fabulous milestone!

Borrowed from jmanandmillerbug.com 

Turning Negatives into Positives

Negativity can sometime seem like an addiction. We begin thinking negative thoughts & find it hard to stop; before we know it, we are stuck in a new negative reality. The first thing that you need to do is trust that you can change your situation. Even if you don’t know how that is going to happen or how things will turn out, trust. If you intend to be positive, your world will become positive. 

A year ago my wife filed for a divorce, this was something I never thought I would have to experience; My entire world changed from that moment.  The months that followed the divorce were the hardest as I tried to find ways to cope with my feelings of hatred, negativity, depression, and anger.  I often thought what good could possible come from this divorce?  I could use my own experiences to help other people, and although my marriage was lost, I could possible help someone else.  Divorce really has been a learning experience for me, it's made me realize the importance of family, relationships, helping others, and making every moment of each day count!  So, thru my divorce, I have found a positive new way to live!  

Feel It

 Sometimes, for the time being, a negative is a negative. Sometimes we need to grieve, cry, scream, and shout. Sometimes we just need to feel it. We need to sit in the darkness of our emotions and truly feel the feelings. You will find that by not resisting your emotions, you allow yourself to fully enter the healing process, part of which is grieving. 



How To Turn Negatives Into Positives

• Avoid ultimatums 
• Think through obstacles 
• Speak positively 
• Reach out to those who think positively 
• Focus on what you are good at 
• Force or encourage yourself to smile and/or laugh 
• Engage in activities that decrease stress 
• Journal positive thoughts 
• Practice deep breathing and yoga 
• Replace a negative thought with a positive one

Just like the lonely princess in the fairy tale who was reluctant to lock lips with a warty frog and transform him into a handsome prince, something stops many of us short of attaining our dreams. Our negative thoughts, emotions, and attitudes can threaten to keep us from achieving all that we’re capable of.

Here are five great ways to defeat negative thinking:

1. Use breathing techniques:

After every few minutes, pause your work and just breathe. Concentrate on your breathing and feel yourself breathe. Enjoy the goodness of things that surround you. If you do this often, you will be more in touch with your inner self and feel tremendous energy, which will purify any negative thinking.

2. Keep a log about negative thinking:

Carry a notebook with you. Whenever you feel that you are experiencing a negative pattern, just note it down along with whatever thoughts you are having and the cause behind them. Then after a couple of weeks, sit down and go through that notebook. Try to find some common themes that encourage negative thoughts in you. This will make you more aware about yourself.

3. Do stuff that you like:

Take some time out from your schedule and enjoy your life a bit. Do things that make you happy. Everyone wants to be happy, but they mostly can’t find time for it. Take a vacation this weekend, go for long walks in the park, go out for dinner or movie, or get a relaxing massage. Just slow down the pace and give yourself some peace of mind.

4. Appreciate the little things:

Learn to see the brighter side of life. Be thankful for who you are and what you have. Keep in mind that no matter what happens in your life, it is still possible to gaze up and behold the magic that is around you. Acknowledge the simple joys of life, like feeling of cool breeze on your skin, or how amazing the universe is. When you appreciate goodness, negativity dissolves away.

5. Spread the joy:

Kindness never goes unrewarded. But somehow we all have forgotten this old saying. It is the greatest medicine that eases aching minds and hearts. When you make someone else happy, you get happiness in return. Generosity puts a sure end to negativity and generosity doesn't have to be always shown. Try leaving the best parking spot for someone else. Or maybe clean up the office lunch room someday, and don’t let anybody know who did it. Doing small things like these will wash away your negativity and you will start feeling good about yourself.

If you can be kind in this way, you release positive energy. Even if nobody gets to know about your generous acts, it will cheer you up and you’ll feel better from the inside. This will make you less negative and you will experience personal growth.  Follow these simple points honestly and you’ll find a huge difference in less than a month.

Thank you for taking the time to visit my blog, and I hope in some way I have brighten your day..  Remember, with the sweet, must come the sour, life will most always give you lemons at some point in time.. Its what you do with those lemons that matters the most!! 

Love & Peace 

Jesse 

Research Credits: tonyfahkry.com - creativeaffirmations.com, - "Kiss That Frog", author Brian Tracy.

Fireproof Your Marriage

When you look at your marriage, or relationship; how do you see it?  Would you say your marriage is weak, strong, or lost somewhere in between?  A few years ago a movie was recommended to me, "Fireproof" starring Kirk Cameron as a must see.  I blew it the movie off as "one of those movies" that was intended for feel good, but not really about real life so I never watched it.  Then in January of last year as my own marriage began to crumble to an end, I remembered the movie and decided to watch it, and so glad that I did..  Fireproof is a powerful movie, it's got action, and drama, love and humor, yet sends a message that YOUR marriage is worth fighting for, and the best way to strengthen and save your marriage is to include God in it. 

The Love Dare
What I loved about the Love Dare, is that it highlights the fact that it really only takes one person to dramatically change a marriage.  The problem with this is that it isn't always an easy thing to do.  In order to change your marriage, you must first transform your heart, and how you view your marriage.  When transforming one's heart is no easy task.  When anger, resentment, and bitterness have been building in a place that was once so full of love, changing one's attitude and humbly changing our own behaviors can be a big mountain to climb.  Transformation of the heart is not an earthly endeavor; it is of divine intervention.  It takes a power beyond our own selves.

Some of the simple, yet potentially powerful actions that were suggested in the Love Dare included things like refraining from saying anything negative to your spouse. The old adage, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all” still applies. Doing one nice thing today for one’s spouse or calling to check on how he or she is doing were some of the daily Love Dare challenges.

So many valuable pieces of successful marriage practices were seamlessly taught throughout the movie. Pray for your spouse. Listen to your spouse. Invest in your marriage with your time, attention, energy and even money. Study your spouse. Get a bachelor’s, then a master’s, then a doctorate degree in your spouse. Have a never-ending quest to know the heart and soul of your spouse and what makes them tick.

Love is an Action

Love isn’t solely based on a feeling, as Hollywood would have us believe. Love is an action. In marriage, sometimes one or the other or both needs to love even when the love is undeserved.

Love is something you choose to do regardless of the difficulty. In marriage there will inevitably be opportunities to test your meddle and see if you really meant what you said on your wedding day — for better or for worse.

Marriage is a promise. Marriage is a covenant. It is not merely a contract that can be canceled at will. Rich rewards await those who push through the pain of personal growth to overcome the challenges and obstacles that all couples face. Fire is a great analogy used in this movie for the refining fire of marriage.

In one poignant scene Caleb comes to his wits end regarding how he can possibly continue to love when his love is not received. How can he love when his love is rebuffed and rejected? It is then that he awakens to the role Jesus Christ plays in his ability to love his wife, as he must be able to within marriage. It is then that his heart is transformed and softened to a state that makes him capable of loving in the true spirit of love.

Somewhere in the midst of Caleb’s awakening to and acceptance of Christ, there seems to be a transfer of power, such that Caleb is now able to love more so as God loves. It gives new meaning to charity, the pure love of Christ, that suffereth long, is kind, and seeketh not her own. This love that we seek in marriage is the love that God freely gives.

The road to Caleb’s transformation is not easy. It is full of heart-wrenching pain. It is quite obvious that the process is excruciatingly slow. It is easy to see how such a marital journey is quickly abandoned by so many for the seemingly apparent “peace” that divorce deceptively promises.

Practicing What You Preach

For me the cherry on top of this movie is that Kirk Cameron, a committed Christian and obvious believer in the things he learns in the movie, had long ago made a personal pledge to never kiss anyone other than his real wife. That can be a real challenge for any actor.
In trying to beat the not-so-good marital odds that Hollywood offers, Cameron has committed himself to kissing only his wife, Chelsea Noble, who incidentally played his former love interest in “Growing Pains.”
In a scene where Caleb kisses his movie wife, his real wife seamlessly steps in for the smooch. There’s something sexy about a man who can stick to his principles like that. You've got to imagine the peace and the trust his wife is able to have in him even as he works in a profession that is maritally demeaning and downright dangerous.
Cameron’s personal commitment to kiss only his wife illustrates just one of those smart safeguards that keeps couples up on the mountain peaks enjoying the splendor rather than slipping into the ravine below where serious marital recovery is needed.

Fireproof Your Marriage

I encourage everyone to see this movie, and to encourage others to do so as well. Fireproof is great marriage education for our children too. Going into marriage with an understanding that successful marriages take effort, and knowing a few of the keys to marital happiness are a couple of great gifts that we can give our youth.

I hope we will all work to fireproof our marriages, and maybe even fire them up a bit as well! God bless us all to invite Him into our hearts and into our marriages.





credits: Strengthingmarriage.com

What Matters Most

With all the talk recently about banning guns, or "assault weapons" as they like to call them. It's got me to thinking about "What Matters Most" to us, as Americans, Christians, and even to God.  I look at my facebook wall and I see 90% of my friends posting daily about the current ban on guns being proposed and I see the excitement and dedication they are to upholding their rights and fighting against this possible new law.

Why did we not fight like this to ban divorces, or make it harder and place limits on divorce criteria?  Is it because we just dont care about the family?  God ordained the home first, and marriage between man and woman to last forever..  All of us that are married, or have been in the past took those same vows till death do us depart yet 70% of couples who married within the past decade are already divorced or will be before their 10th anniversary.  SHOCKING?  Thinking back to my recent divorce I see just how easy it is for one to want out and file the papers and just 30 days later it is final.  Doesn't really matter what the other person wants, or that he/she truly loves the other.  Honestly, I find it heart sickening, that people could split up a home, especially when there are children involved and make the children go daily without both of their parents in their day to day lives.  No matter what you think, or how easy you try to make it on the children, they see the truth, and will usually resent the parent who walked away, and the children now have a time share with their parents..

So, I am announcing my stand, and my support to marriage, and to ban divorce.  What are your thoughts, opinions, on this topic?